I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
