she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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