'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
