So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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