WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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