So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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