I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
