Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
