Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
