Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
