those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
