I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize