woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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