wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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