Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
