my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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