Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize