Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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