Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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