i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
