When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
