Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
