i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
