You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
