There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
