Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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