Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
