Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
