You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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