operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
if only i could text you this smell
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
