Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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