even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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