you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
