Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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