What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
