I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize