u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
