i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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