one might say we're banned from that church
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize