My sheets look like a crime scene.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
