I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
