I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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