I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
