Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
