she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
