i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
