Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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