Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize