This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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