I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
