Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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