I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
