i love accidental penises.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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