I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
