And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my shit smells like andre
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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