dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
