you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
