Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
