i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
