u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize