if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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