My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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