My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
