I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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