I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
