I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
