When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
