It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
