I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
