Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize