I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
