Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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