He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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