So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
