Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
