ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We need to get me chipped asap
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
