return my video game
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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