I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
