So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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