I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
