I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
