Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
