I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
