Moan for me like Helen Keller
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize