We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
