He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
