Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
