How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
