I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
