i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
