I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
