Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
