How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
