Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
