She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So here I am, sexting at work.
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