yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
