Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
