I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
