Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
