i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
