We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
