:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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