guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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