the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
