Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
