Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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