woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
