i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize