i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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