I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
This house was built for laser tag.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
