You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
