i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
