I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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