Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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