I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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