my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
