apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
