If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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